my nemeses
I have a new nemesis, oh, Japhey where have you gone?
I find it strange how some people can seriously hate me for simply floating through life. In B-town a few years ago I can think of a couple people who legitmately hated me, perhaps more than anybody on the face of the earth, and I don't know if I ever said more than two dozen words to either of them.
Anyway, back in the old days, Japhey was my nemesis, while of the two he probably hated me the less, he was better nemesis material largely because he cloaked his hatred in vague humour... like he'd make fun of the way I spoke or the shoes I wore. His own strange behaviour added to the absurdity: day dreams of delousing lions in San Diego and a captivation with the great divide which only the most well fashioned of hiking boots could ever dream to conquer.
The other character was much more vile and insidious, I swear he'd get off by feeding you his steam. Nothing humourous here.
Do not get me wrong I am not at all lamenting this, on the contrary the fact that I was hated made cultivating my desired distance easier. Rather I am commenting on the absurdity of hatred. There doesn't have to be any tangible reason for it, it just is, exuding from the pores of the misreable bodies that animate this universe.
This new guy argues with everything I say, even if I'm not talking to him. At times, I can feel that he's so angry at me, I swear if he hadn't convinced himself of some idealized notion of human civility he'd punch me right in the nose. It's not even that he cares enough about me, or any other person for that matter, not to punch me in the nose, it's because he'd feel guilty if he did... it was always all about him. I tell you, you gotta watch out for guys like that.
So anyway, I don't know why this guy hates me so much... my only idea is that he thinks I'm a fraud (which by the way is correct about but neither is he exempt from the charge) and because we're a part of the same bureaucratic construction this is somehow an affront to him; he wants to hold onto the high value of his position, a position that in his eyes I taint. I don't know, it's a guess, but one thing that's for certain the scene is getting stranger, his hatred is getting more and more active, while it used to be restricted and reactive only to the sound of my voice it's now provoked by the mere sight of me. Ah, you may think I'm paranoid but as sure that ball of stinky steam in Boulder hated me, which can be objectively verified, so does this guy.
I don't get it... but as I said, you know, it's not keeping me up at nights, it's just that I don't get it, I mean, what's the incentive? Where's the energy come from? Other than the fact that it might be animating energy itself I do not know.
Ahh, I say bring back Japhey, at least he wore his absurdity on his sleeve, which as a general category I can at least partially relate to. But there's noting absurd about the disdain here, it all feels more clodly calculated. Yes, Japhey was a more interesting specimen, and less violent.
I find it strange how some people can seriously hate me for simply floating through life. In B-town a few years ago I can think of a couple people who legitmately hated me, perhaps more than anybody on the face of the earth, and I don't know if I ever said more than two dozen words to either of them.
Anyway, back in the old days, Japhey was my nemesis, while of the two he probably hated me the less, he was better nemesis material largely because he cloaked his hatred in vague humour... like he'd make fun of the way I spoke or the shoes I wore. His own strange behaviour added to the absurdity: day dreams of delousing lions in San Diego and a captivation with the great divide which only the most well fashioned of hiking boots could ever dream to conquer.
The other character was much more vile and insidious, I swear he'd get off by feeding you his steam. Nothing humourous here.
Do not get me wrong I am not at all lamenting this, on the contrary the fact that I was hated made cultivating my desired distance easier. Rather I am commenting on the absurdity of hatred. There doesn't have to be any tangible reason for it, it just is, exuding from the pores of the misreable bodies that animate this universe.
This new guy argues with everything I say, even if I'm not talking to him. At times, I can feel that he's so angry at me, I swear if he hadn't convinced himself of some idealized notion of human civility he'd punch me right in the nose. It's not even that he cares enough about me, or any other person for that matter, not to punch me in the nose, it's because he'd feel guilty if he did... it was always all about him. I tell you, you gotta watch out for guys like that.
So anyway, I don't know why this guy hates me so much... my only idea is that he thinks I'm a fraud (which by the way is correct about but neither is he exempt from the charge) and because we're a part of the same bureaucratic construction this is somehow an affront to him; he wants to hold onto the high value of his position, a position that in his eyes I taint. I don't know, it's a guess, but one thing that's for certain the scene is getting stranger, his hatred is getting more and more active, while it used to be restricted and reactive only to the sound of my voice it's now provoked by the mere sight of me. Ah, you may think I'm paranoid but as sure that ball of stinky steam in Boulder hated me, which can be objectively verified, so does this guy.
I don't get it... but as I said, you know, it's not keeping me up at nights, it's just that I don't get it, I mean, what's the incentive? Where's the energy come from? Other than the fact that it might be animating energy itself I do not know.
Ahh, I say bring back Japhey, at least he wore his absurdity on his sleeve, which as a general category I can at least partially relate to. But there's noting absurd about the disdain here, it all feels more clodly calculated. Yes, Japhey was a more interesting specimen, and less violent.
posted by j/r at 10:32 p.m.
6 Comments:
Interesting choice of words. I find it peculiar that you elicit such a strong reaction from people that don't know you very well. I've always been of the mind that hate is an emotion that usually hinges on a deeper connection/experience with another person - that to really hate them, you have to care enough about them to dispense the energy that hating requires (excepting teenagers here).
Yes, and I find it peculiar as well. While my paranoia may be at the root of some of this paranoia is not descriptive of each situation.
And, I think I understand you when you write that, "to really hate [a person] you have to care enough about them to dispense the energy that hating requires."
If I've read you correctly, it is that this hatred may well be the confused manifestation of something else, something not at all like hatred but more like care. While I'm inlined to agree with you I'm not yet convinced on the precise nature of this underlying thing. My suspicion is that while it still might be about care, it is not on the order of caring for someone else (i.e. me) but more about caring for something that it is in their own head. And, what exactly this might be is what I find interesting. Though you may be right it could also be more cosmic (and I am serious here) and I could be overpersonalizing.... Ahh, you see, I'm not exempt from my own analysis.
I guess what I was trying to say was that hate is a strong emotion that requires a commitment of mental, emotional and sometimes even physical energy. People who don't know me but may not like me tend to simply be indifferent to me and vice versa. It's only the people who I have been invested in but who've betrayed me that can inspire feelings of "hate" within me.
I guess I am more just questioning whether the people you mention actually "hate" you unless you have done something personal to them that would cause them to hate you. If not, it may be more just a general disdain rather than something as personal as hate.
I think that I more clearly understand you now; that a certain degree of closeness is required for hate to even germinate. And, that closeness is notably absent in the few cases I had attempted to describe. In which case disdain might be the preferrable word.
Though I still can't help to think that there's a certain degree of activenss involved in this disdain, while perhaps not hate it is likely reminiscent of it. You know, for instance, in those cases, even among strangers, where there seems to be a legitimate effort on the part of one person to disagree, argue or to coldly put someone down. That's what I don't get, for as I think you had suggested if there is no investment, where's it coming from or why bother? Or, if there is investment it's invisible, secret or private and I'm curious.
Indeed. But a person can still spew venom towards someone they don't lose sleep over. It might sound trite, but it says more about their own insecurities or maturity - like a bully. Perhaps they feel threatened by you somehow - intellectually or physically? Usually this type of behavior is more of a reflection of how they feel about themselves in comparison to you. A person often puffs up like blowfish when they've got something to prove - that they're better, smarter, funnier... whatever. It's textbook though no less obnoxious.
It's possible they feel threatened, but from their point of view I'm pretty sure I'm a pariah, which is an objective observation... Though I do think your speculation as to insecurities, etc.. lying at the heart of things does make good to sense me. Which makes it, as you had implied really little to do about me at all... I can understand this.
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