nothing left to do

I've been told both very crudely and sincerely that it's a sin not to feel special or deserving of anything. Well, the "special" here is a (poorly) literary liberty, but I swear I hear it just the same.

This advice weighs heavily on me, as I'm not sure I've ever felt I've deserved much of anything in my life. In fact, I feel as if I've already much more than I deserve anyway. So much so that I'm waiting for this to finally catch up to me, to be exposed as the fraud I really am. And, someday this will catch up to me.

"Hey, buddy, we've figured you out, your charlatan ways aren't gonna fly here anymore, it's best you pack up and head on out of town."

I'm actually honestly amazed that this has not happened yet. Meanwhile I keep waiting, and in all likelihood will die waiting, unless of course, the sham comes crashing down beforehand. And, if so, I think this would be the miracle.